On the Theory of Evolution - by Enzo

Today our near human narrator is feeling a little philosophical as he imagines a world where humans evolve beyond their wisdom teeth and dogs get to keep their thumbs. Enzo's whole story is told in Garth Stein's The Art of Racing in the Rain, which hits bookstores on May 15th. Next week, we'll be treated to Enzo's thoughts on the race car driver.

On the Theory of Evolution

I've seen many programs on the theory of evolution and the man who invented it, Charles Darwin. He was very famous and founded an archipelago in the middle of the ocean. On these islands he noticed that certain animals evolved in certain ways, and he dubbed that concept the Law of Natural Selection. He believed that animals adapt to their environment or they die. Through a process called mutation, animals of all kinds change their genes over time in order to better fit in with their environments.

However, my belief is that men try to exempt themselves from this process. Men have ceased to adapt to their environments and instead insist that their environments adapt to them.

Case-in-Point: wisdom teeth.

As a part of the human maturation ritual, the third molars, also called "wisdom teeth," are wrenched from the human head in early adulthood. There is great ceremony around this practice, involving certain drugs that distort -- or in some cases, completely suspend -- reality for the youth. Special tools of ritualistic importance are used. And, often, the youth is presented with his unseated teeth as a sort of trophy of adulthood, the concept being that these offensive teeth were torn from the bone in order to allow more room for more wisdom in the youth's skull.

Now, if one were to apply the rule of Darwin, one would never ply a tooth from a child's jawbone. No. Because if it is true, as the dental specialists maintain, that these third molars upset the seating of other teeth to such an extent that a youth would eventually be rendered toothless and therefore unable to chew meat and therefore unable to survive, that child would, of course, die of starvation. But what would be preserved would be the integrity of the gene! In other words, by allowing this youth to live by removing the so-called wisdom teeth, we are allowing this youth to procreate and pass on his defective gene to his offspring who will likely also suffer from the presence of wisdom teeth.

If people were to live by the laws of nature and natural selection, as does the rest of the animal kingdom, they would let their defective wisdom-teeth-endowed youths die from starvation. Soon, a mutation would occur, as predicted by Charles Darwin. A child would be born without wisdom teeth. And that child would survive. And he would have many children, and his gene would be passed on to his children, and they, too, would be born without the third molars. Over time, the wisdom-tooth-endowed children would be eliminated, as they starved to death one by one; the new mutated children would solidify their genetic dominance.

I know this is true because I am a dog. My thumbs were snipped off at birth. Perhaps I was a mutant dog. Perhaps my dew claws were meant to be the first dog thumbs. Perhaps I am one of the Chosen. But they held me down. They cut them off without anesthetic. It was bloody and horrible and I cried out. I remember the whole thing. Violent and horrible...and the blood.

Men cannot control evolution. The mutants will come, believe me. Man cannot stand outside the universe; we are all contained in the universal consciousness. If man continues to allow his personal desires to subvert the will of the universe, the balance will, at some point, be adjusted, and man will find that he has inadvertently created viruses that are smarter than himself, bugs and diseases he cannot combat. And then the death and the loss of life that man has been avoiding for so long with his surgical tools and serums will be upon him, and people will die in great numbers; vast populations will be wiped out by terrifying new plagues.

When I am a man, I will lead other men, and I will teach this truth. We are all the perfect creations of God, but we all must adapt. Every breath is different. Water flows under a bridge. A river continuously changes. The inevitable can be postponed, but it cannot be stopped.

More Enzo: On the Simplicity of Truth and Automobile Racing is a Team Sport.

Comments

[Angela D]

The sad reality is that since the birth of my son I have not opened a book and been able to venture past the first chapter.

I was captivated from the moment I picked up a Starbucks Store copy 2 days ago and couldn't leave with my latte without buying a copy to take home.

I finished the book in tears and hungry for more.

Thank You Garth, Enzo & Denny