The Savvy Reader

Ask a Juby: Lip Piercings and Boyfriends

Susan Juby is back with more advice and just in time too! This week she's answering those age old question: to dump or not to dump? to pierce or not to pierce?

Dear Susan,

Is it unreasonable to tell your boyfriend that you will break up with him if he gets a lip piercing?
                                                                                               —Persnickety When Puckering Up

Dear Persnickety,

Will you break up with him? Or will you just threaten? Because if it’s the latter, then you have to decide whether you want to use one of a limited number of threats on this issue. The usual number most relationships contain is three. I don’t know why. But these are deal breakers. If you cheat on me, steal from me, fill in the blank on me, we will be through! Finished! Of course, we all know there are many more deal breakers in life. Hundreds, even thousands of things we will not, should not and cannot tolerate. But most relationships can only be pushed to the brink by three different issues. After three, all threats -- even serious ones -- lose their juice.

The second point is I suggest you look at what you love in your boyfriend. Is he a little dangerous? Edgy? Such people often do things like get piercings, brandings and sarcastic haircuts. If he is a little bit that way, it might be unfair to pick what edgy elements get to stay and which must go. People are a package deal and not all of their features are great. This is where acceptance comes in.

Point two, subsection one: at least piercings grow over relatively quickly unlike, say, full-sized back tattoos of pitbulls or tattoos of cobras that start on the chest, wind around the neck and end up on the skull, complete with fangs dripping venom into the eyebrows. Personally, I’m not a fan of facial piercings. I often have to avert my eyes when people display sharp objects poking into random areas. If you’re like that, you might want to mention it to your boyfriend. He probably doesn’t want you whispering sweet nothings to him while staring into space or at someone else. That won’t be good for anyone.

Good luck. And tell him to lay in a good supply of rubbing alcohol.

Love,
Susan

Ask a Juby: The Video Redux

In the second installment of Ask a Juby: The Video Edition, Susan tackles a tough question head on: What do you do if your friends drink a lot at parties? Peer pressure and the bottle is never easy, but Susan has some great advice about how to cope. And for those of you who might be on the other end of this question (having been to too many parties, perhaps), she's got some sage wisdom for you too.

Ask a Juby: The Videos

Susan Juby was in town a couple of weeks ago and she kindly answered a couple of the kids' questions about excessive drinking at parties and how to handle too much talk about hookups. Here's the first in our two Ask a Juby video segments.

If you want to watch the original version on You Tube, it's here, and make sure to click the "watch in high quality" link, it's seriously better.

Ask a Juby: Under My Umbrella

Having perused Go Fug Yourself for the better part of an evening a few days ago and discovering this and this, I am quite glad that Susan's here to help out our slightly misguided teen so she doesn't end up looking like this (why oh why has the jumpsuit made a comeback?). But who am I to judge, having been in a fashion coma since I was a teenager.

I consider myself a fashionista so I try to wear what I see my favourite celebrities wearing. I really like the clothes that Rihanna wears but my mom doesn't think I should show so much skin! How can I show her that I am stylish, not slutty?
                                                                                                                                        --Elle Girl

Dear Elle Girl,

Yeah, I can see how this would be a problem. Rihanna has definitely got a great look but I can see how it might be one that your mom wouldn't completely appreciate. To be honest, I've always thought Rihanna's get-ups were more "alien" than "slutty."

There is often a translation problem in dressing like celebs. First, we don't hang out at the same places they do. The outfit that looks exactly right when you are standing on a stage, hanging on to a pole, surrounded by backup dancers, a dry ice machine in one corner and a wind machine in the other, might look sort of out of place, or even startling when worn to second-period science.

Back in the day, I was always trying the different looks that I saw in music videos. In particular, I liked the outfits worn by heavy metal musicians. Male heavy metal musicians, who, to be fair, all wore makeup and had huge hair and high heels. I also had a Madonna phase, a Billy Idol period, and a Poison episode. My mother hated all of those looks. But I learned that I could get around her objections if I made slight modifications. When Poison wore the ass torn out of their jeans, I wore my jeans with just the knees ripped out. When Madonna wore a negligee, I wore bloomers. It was a compromise, but it kept my mother somewhat mollified and allowed me to celebrate the daring fashion choices of the artists I loved.

My recommendation is to watch some Project Runway and learn to alter your clothes until you can get the Rihanna look without the Rihanna risk.

Love,

Susan

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.

Ask a Juby: The Book Nerd Edition

I hold this week's question close to my heart being a bookish person myself. I was once tormented in the library of my middle school by two boys who would not stop bothering me as I tried to find a Louisa May Alcott book I hadn't already read. Let's just say there were rulers involved and I have never quite gotten over it. And if by some divine sense, my friend Tara sent over a link to this article from the Globe's Life section about how socially awkward people should really read more books. It might be just the thing our Ask a Juby-er needs -- ammunition in the form of knowledge that she'll come out way more socially adjusted than the cretin who's currently bothering her.

Most people think I'm a nerd because I like reading more than sports. There is one guy at school who is always making fun of me and sometimes he pushes me around. Is there a way to make him stop?
                                                                                                                  --Book Grrl

Dear Book Grrl,

Have you considered reading Sun Tzu's The Art of War? How about a biography of one of the current crop of championship UFC fighters? [Editor's Note: We even publish one called Training for Warriors: The Ultimate Mixed Martial Arts Workout!]. I'm not saying these will help you protect yourself against the menacer, but they may get you interested in taking up a sport that will help you to defend yourself.

As a lifelong reader, I learned the hard way that using superior word power against an aggressor DOES NOT help stem the tide of violence. Nor does dropping stacks of books on people's feet. Being light on one's feet can be useful and if the bully is the serious kind, you might want to get a teacher or counselor involved.

But here's another thing I know. Ultimately, your love of reading is slowly but surely making you much, much more interesting and cool than sports would do. In the meantime, if you can't get interested in any sports, consider developing the powers of camouflage and evasion. We book people must be like the wind in the trees. And no, I don't really know what that means.

Love,

Susan

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.

Ask a Juby: Don't Stand So Close, Um, To Me?

This week Susan tackles yet another difficult problem for a teen in need: when to know if a teacher's getting perhaps a little too friendly.

The music teacher at my school is my absolute favourite teacher. Sometimes I stay after school to ask him questions. Last time, he hugged me when I was leaving and it felt wrong. Should I tell someone?
                                                                                                            --Miss Choral Singer

Dear Miss Choral,

This is a tough one because no teacher ever showed any signs of wanting to hug me. Suspend me, yes. Sentence me to lifelong detention, yes. Show physical affection of any kind? Definitely not.

So even though I'm no expert, I'm going to guess that it's not a great idea for teachers to be hugging students. This is doubly true of music teachers. Music is the language of love, so music teachers have to be extra careful about the signals they give out.

The only reason for that teacher to hug you is if you just won a major music competition and the two of you are standing on a stage in front of hundreds of people, including your parents. Possibly a hug could be marginally acceptable if it came after you'd just told your teacher about the death of a beloved pet or your parents' rancorous divorce.

Think of it this way: do you think that teacher would be hugging you in front of the school principal? The P.T.A.?

Finally, don't be like that girl in The Police song "Don't Stand So Close to Me," which is about a girl who has a crush on her hot teacher. I knew a few girls in high school who were more than capable of standing too close to a handsome teacher. It's not fair to either of you.

If you think your teacher is a predator, then you should say something. If you think he (I'm assuming it's a he) just made an error in judgment, or is a compulsive hugger, back off and see what happens. I know for sure that you don't want to be Vili to your teacher's Mary Kay Letourneau. You just don't.

Ask a Juby: Just Say No

Ask a Juby tackles an extremely serious and very important issue this week: drug experimentation and the idea of just saying no. Yes, that proves that I'm ancient and have seen those public service announcements about a billion times since I was a teenager attending parties:

One of my friends has been experimenting with drugs. She's tried crystal meth at a few parties and it looks like she has a lot of fun. I'd like to try it too but I'm scared of becoming addicted. Is it really that bad to try it just once?
                                                                                               --What Harm Can Once Do?

Dear What Harm:

Well, how do you feel about open sores on your face? Do you have a strong interest in developing that odd, lurching walk that so many meth addicts get? How about porn? (Meth addicts are notoriously into porn. I don't know why.) What about having your capacity for pleasure and happiness removed FOREVER? (Meth damages the brain's ability to process dopamine.)

I know, I know. This all sounds very War on Drugs. But I've known more than a few fine young people who've had their lives smashed to bits by meth. And not one of them planned to become a meth addict. They thought they'd try it just once. Of all the addicts I've met who are trying to get clean, and I've met a lot, meth users have by far the hardest time recovering (getting and staying clean). I strongly, strongly recommend that if you want to experience life at its more raw you experiment with Russian literature and leave meth alone.

Love,

Susan

Editor's note: And if you need any more convincing, What Harm, take a moment to peruse these incredibly graphic and utterly frightening commercials from the Montana Meth Project. And while you're there, ping the link over to your friend too.

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.

Ask a Juby: Taking the Dating Reins

In this week's Ask a Juby, Susan comes across the most universal of all dating questions: should the girl as the boy out?

I have a huge crush on this boy in my class and I think he likes me too. But as much as I flirt, he never asks me out! I've been thinking of asking him for a date. Is that wrong?
                                                                                                  --Faux Sadie Hawkins
Dear Sadie,

No, it is not wrong so long as you are comfortable with taking that chance. There are two ways to be in this world: the pursued or the pursuer. Just ask deer and wolves. They know! If he says yes, you will be stoked at your own daring and his good taste. If he says no, you will have developed more sympathy for all the risk-takers out there and all the men through much of history who've had the job of asking. On the other hand, if you're a Rules girl and believe that the key to winning a boy's interest is in hanging back and letting him do the work, then you should be writing the Rules girls instead. I was always sort of into hanging back but not because of any rules but because I was socially awkward. Once I thought I'd try to strike up a conversation with a boy after class and what came out of my mouth was a small series of squeaks and whistles. After that, I let the boys do the asking.

Love,

Susan

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.

Ask a Juby: Turn Down The Base, Pul-ease

After an almost two-week hiatus, Ask a Juby's back this Friday with Susan's trademark wit and wisdom. What's up this Friday: how do you cope with your friend's terrible taste in tunes?

Dear Susan: I like to think that I have pretty good taste in music, but my friend likes the crappiest bands! We don't agree on a single musician. How do I make her see that she has terrible taste?
                                                                                                             --Music Is My Life
Dear Music:

Speaking as someone who has always had superb and eclectic taste in music, I feel your pain. I had the exact same problem with many of my friends. We would be driving around listening to some putrid band and I'd say, "Hey! I just made a new mix tape. Let's listen to that." And my so-called friends would be all, "I hate your music. It's like cats fighting. Why can't you like what we like? You're just trying to be different." That would be my cue to stop speaking to my friends for at least fifteen minutes.

There are few things more disappointing than when you discover genuinely excellent and innovative music and the plebes around you don't appreciate it.

Here's what you should do:

1. Volunteer to be the music reviewer on your school newspaper. Then you can let everyone know about your great taste and make them feel bad for their poor taste.

2. Get a job in a record store. I know, such places are becoming rarer, thanks to downloading and iTunes. But they are hotbeds of people who scorn people who listen to bad music [Editor's note: watch High Fidelity for an example of such peeps]. You will be among friends. I used to manage a record store and I felt nothing but contempt for a full 85% of the clientele. Because they had such rotten taste in music.

3. Start your own radio show or podcast on which you celebrate great music and make snide comments about people who don't share your enthusiasm for quality.

Don't get bitter: get busy!

Love,

Susan

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.

Ask a Juby: Two Girls, One Guy

This week in Ask a Juby, Susan tells one very lucky young man that the best choice sometimes is making no choice at all. Especially when it comes to the ladies.

I’ve recently been hanging out a lot with two different girls at school. One’s super-gorgeous, and I can barely believe she even talks to me, and the other’s got a great personality -- she likes basketball and the same music as me. How do I choose?

                                                                                        --Torn Between Two Girls

Dear Torn:

I hate to be dense, but why do you have to choose? See, the coolest people don’t choose. They have friends in all the different groups. They are the kinds of people that hang out with janitors and CEOs and artists and greet their local squeegee guy by name. To have a fulfilling life, a person must have a varied acquaintance. Here are some people I suspect have many types of friends: P.T. Anderson, Judd Apatow, Sarah Silverman, and Amy Sedaris. And, of course, Jesus. Personally, I’d like to be on that list rather than the list of people who exclusively hang out with other cheerleaders or the list of people who won’t talk to anyone whose parents make less than $200,000 per year.

Also, you should stop being surprised that anyone, no matter how popular or gorgeous, will talk to you and start enjoying the fact that you have two excellent and interesting friends.

If you see Judd Apatow around, tell him I said “Hi.” He doesn’t know me, but I think he’d like me if he met me. Hell, you should ask him to go for coffee. I bet he’d like you, too.

Love, Susan

The latest novel from acclaimed humorist Susan Juby investigates the social hierarchy of that most horrific of institutions -- high school. Sherman Mack, the hero of Getting the Girl (coming Fall 2008), is determined to find out who’s been slandering the girls at Harewood Tech. To do  that, he’s going to have to become an expert on many things -- especially the ladies. An expert herself (after all, she survived high school), Susan Juby offers advice on common problems facing today’s teens.